I'm going crazy

Why do I sometimes feel like this is my first baby? Yesterday after L's checkup when I was getting him in the car I just felt so new. I had his carrier and his diaper bag and I was just lugging it all around like I had never done it before. I'm like haven't I done this twice before?! I've felt like this several times. Forget going anywhere w/ all three of them by myself, I would be a basket case! This third baby thing has just thrown me for a lup. I was expecting it to be easier, but it has been much, much harder, but at the same time I don't remember life w/o him in it. I know it will get easier as time goes by, but I must admit right now I'm struggling.

On a different note yesterday in the car M(my 6 year old) told me "You're a mom, you're not supposed to have fun!" after she was complaining how bored she was and I told her that my goal in life was not to constantly entertain her and that I didn't always have fun. That child is going to make me prematurely gray, which speaking of hair, my roots are terrible, I need to get my hair done so bad. Wow, this post really has flip flopped everywhere.